One of the fashionable terms hovering around these days is ‘soft skills’. “Skill is the ability to do something well”. Some define skill as a ‘cluster of personality traits’. Earlier companies used to measure in terms of hard skill (intelligent quotient) for recruiting a person. These included knowledge in a particular field, experience in working on a set of machines, ability to apply theoretical knowledge to practical applications, logical and analytical reasoning etc.
Most of these skills are included in academic curriculum. Therefore, an academically successful student was expected to succeed in life and career too. Due to technological advancements, economy has brought about a phenomenal shift in the skills required for a person to succeed in career.
Typically, soft skills can be defined as the skill that enables an individual to engage and interact effectively with others, obtain acceptance, build consensus and provide assistance, leadership and direction. Hard skills are easy to observe, quantify and measure and thus easy to train and acquire. However, soft skills- being more behavioral in nature- are a result of various influences and interactions one has had in his or her life since childhood. Hence these influences have both positive and negative impact on the person by the time they reach employability. Therefore, soft skills training include a lot of unlearning and relearning issues.
Majority are in misconception that both soft skills and English communication are same. This is not really true. Communication skills are a part of soft skills. Soft skill facilitate individual to fulfill his or her responsibilities in an effective way possible both at work and at home.
Most of the companies look for following skill set before entering or at the time of recruiting staff: first and foremost is the ability to learn at a faster pace, adapting to the cultural diversities and team work, able to grasp the concepts and be ready to handle a team or a project and aligning his or her goals with the companies goals. Business conferences are the call of the day; hence employee should be good at oral as well as written communication skill. Last but not the least, organizations often place faith and give the employee substantial responsibilities very early in their career.
Now we can see a 26 year old handling a team of 25+ head count and generating decent revenues in crores. To achieve this integrity, vision, ethics plays a far-reaching role.
The first step in developing effective soft skills is to wipe out the negative impressions and learn the positive traits. Soft skills take significant time to learn and absorb in the blood, therefore patience is needed to expect the desired results. And practical application is the call of the day towards estimating one’s understanding and impacts.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE-Part 2
How to win people to your way of Thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it: Why prove to man/women is wrong? Is that going to make them like you? Why not let them try to save their face? “Always try to avoid the acute angle.” There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument-and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattle snakes and earthquakes. One can’t win an argument. Because if they lose it, they lose it; and if they win, they lose it!! Why? With the win you may feel fine, but what about the other? You have made him feel inferior and hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. Also if you argue, rankle and contradict, you may achieve victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory as you will never get the opponents good will. Buddha said: ‘Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,’ and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
In an article in “Bits and pieces” (Economic press), decent suggestions are made on keeping a disagreement from becoming an argument:
a) Welcome the disagreement: Disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
b) Distrust your first instinctive impression: At times of disagreeable situation, keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be your worst, not the best.
c) Control your temper: Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
d) Listen First: Give your opponents a chance to talk and finish. Do not resist. Try to build bridges of understanding not the higher barriers of misunderstanding.
e) Look for areas of agreement
f) Be Honest: Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm the opponent’s defensiveness.
g) Promise to think over your opponents ideas and study them carefully: Because they may be right sometimes and they may say-“we tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
h) Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest: Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.
i) Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem: Ask yourself some hard questions- could my opponent be right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction relieves the problem and draw the opponents closer or keep away from me? What price will I have to pay if I win? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”: Theodore Roosevelt once confessed that if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectation. If you can be right 55% the time, then you can make million dollars in Wall Street! If you can’t be sure of being right even 55% of the time, why should you tell other people they are wrong? You can tell people they are wrong by a look or intonation or a gesture. In that case, do you make them want to agree with you? Never!
Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so-and-so to you.” That’s tantamount to saying: “I’m smarter than you are. I’m going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind.” It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start. If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anyone know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly that no one will feel you are doing it. There are famous adages- “You can’t teach a person anything, you can only help him to find within himself.” And “Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.” There is a positive magic in the phrase: I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts. By telling the other person that he is wrong- you only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making you an unwelcome part of any discussion, instead use little diplomacy.
Few books of your interest- Carl Rogers “On Becoming a Person” and “Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography, Yogoda Satsanga Societies lessons have some excellent points/ techniques to adapt in life.
3. If you are wrong, admit quickly and emphatically: When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking and when we are wrong- and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves- let’s admit our mistake with enthusiasm. Let’s remember the old proverb: “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”
4. Begin in a friendly way: If your temper is aroused and you tell them a thing or two, you will have a fine time unloading your feelings. But what about the other person? Will he share your pleasure? Will your belligerent tones, hostile attitude, makes it easy for him to agree with you? If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possible be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly. It is a true maxim that “a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” So with humans, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately: In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing- and keep on emphasizing- the things on which you agree. Keep your opponent from saying ‘No’. A NO response is the most difficult handicap to overcome. When you have said ‘no’, all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself. Once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to it. Hence it is of the greatest importance that a person be started in the affirmative direction. The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of “yes” responses. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking (A safety valve in handling complaints): Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking. Let the other people talk them out. Ask them questions; let them tell you a few things. If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don’t it is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently with an open mind. But be sincere about it. A French philosopher, La Rochefoucauld said: “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers (how to get cooperation): Don’t you have much more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter? If so, isn’t it wiser to make suggestions-and let the other person think out the conclusion? One of the sales managers of an automobile showroom spoke about how he infused enthusiasm in sales people- he urged his people to tell him exactly what they expected from him. As they talked, he wrote their ideas on a black board and then said: I’ll give you all these qualities you expect from me. Now I want you to tell me what I have a right to expect from you.” The replies came quick and fast. The result- sales was phenomenal.
A Chinese sage, Lao-tse said: - “The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, put himself below them; wishing to be before them, he put himself behind them. Thus, though his place is above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place is before them, they do not count it an injury.”
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view (A formula that works wonders for you): Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that. There is a key to handle his personality and actions: try honestly to put yourself in his place. If you say to yourself, “How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?” You will save yourself time and irritation, “by becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect.” In addition you will sharply increase your skill in human relationships. One can observe from the lives of Lincoln and Roosevelt that, success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint. Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg commented: “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.”
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires: Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will and make the other person listen attentively? YES? Here it is: “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.” Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you.
Dr. Arthur I. Gates said in his book Educational psychology: “Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults...show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness especially details of surgical operations. ‘Self-pity’ for misfortunes real or imaginary is in some measures, practically a universal practice.”
10. Appeal to the nobler motives
11. Dramatize your ideas: This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting and dramatic. You have to show showmanship. The movies, TV does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.
12. Throw down a challenge (when nothing else works, try this): Charles Schwab says- “the way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I don’t mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.” The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit. “All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory”. What greater challenge can be offered than the opportunity to overcome those fears? The chance for self-expression is what every successful person loves. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel to win.
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it: Why prove to man/women is wrong? Is that going to make them like you? Why not let them try to save their face? “Always try to avoid the acute angle.” There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument-and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattle snakes and earthquakes. One can’t win an argument. Because if they lose it, they lose it; and if they win, they lose it!! Why? With the win you may feel fine, but what about the other? You have made him feel inferior and hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. Also if you argue, rankle and contradict, you may achieve victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory as you will never get the opponents good will. Buddha said: ‘Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,’ and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
In an article in “Bits and pieces” (Economic press), decent suggestions are made on keeping a disagreement from becoming an argument:
a) Welcome the disagreement: Disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
b) Distrust your first instinctive impression: At times of disagreeable situation, keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be your worst, not the best.
c) Control your temper: Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
d) Listen First: Give your opponents a chance to talk and finish. Do not resist. Try to build bridges of understanding not the higher barriers of misunderstanding.
e) Look for areas of agreement
f) Be Honest: Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm the opponent’s defensiveness.
g) Promise to think over your opponents ideas and study them carefully: Because they may be right sometimes and they may say-“we tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”
h) Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest: Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.
i) Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem: Ask yourself some hard questions- could my opponent be right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction relieves the problem and draw the opponents closer or keep away from me? What price will I have to pay if I win? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”: Theodore Roosevelt once confessed that if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectation. If you can be right 55% the time, then you can make million dollars in Wall Street! If you can’t be sure of being right even 55% of the time, why should you tell other people they are wrong? You can tell people they are wrong by a look or intonation or a gesture. In that case, do you make them want to agree with you? Never!
Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so-and-so to you.” That’s tantamount to saying: “I’m smarter than you are. I’m going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind.” It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start. If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anyone know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly that no one will feel you are doing it. There are famous adages- “You can’t teach a person anything, you can only help him to find within himself.” And “Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.” There is a positive magic in the phrase: I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts. By telling the other person that he is wrong- you only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making you an unwelcome part of any discussion, instead use little diplomacy.
Few books of your interest- Carl Rogers “On Becoming a Person” and “Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography, Yogoda Satsanga Societies lessons have some excellent points/ techniques to adapt in life.
3. If you are wrong, admit quickly and emphatically: When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking and when we are wrong- and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves- let’s admit our mistake with enthusiasm. Let’s remember the old proverb: “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”
4. Begin in a friendly way: If your temper is aroused and you tell them a thing or two, you will have a fine time unloading your feelings. But what about the other person? Will he share your pleasure? Will your belligerent tones, hostile attitude, makes it easy for him to agree with you? If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possible be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly. It is a true maxim that “a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” So with humans, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately: In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing- and keep on emphasizing- the things on which you agree. Keep your opponent from saying ‘No’. A NO response is the most difficult handicap to overcome. When you have said ‘no’, all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself. Once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to it. Hence it is of the greatest importance that a person be started in the affirmative direction. The skillful speaker gets, at the outset, a number of “yes” responses. This sets the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking (A safety valve in handling complaints): Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking. Let the other people talk them out. Ask them questions; let them tell you a few things. If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don’t it is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently with an open mind. But be sincere about it. A French philosopher, La Rochefoucauld said: “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers (how to get cooperation): Don’t you have much more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter? If so, isn’t it wiser to make suggestions-and let the other person think out the conclusion? One of the sales managers of an automobile showroom spoke about how he infused enthusiasm in sales people- he urged his people to tell him exactly what they expected from him. As they talked, he wrote their ideas on a black board and then said: I’ll give you all these qualities you expect from me. Now I want you to tell me what I have a right to expect from you.” The replies came quick and fast. The result- sales was phenomenal.
A Chinese sage, Lao-tse said: - “The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, put himself below them; wishing to be before them, he put himself behind them. Thus, though his place is above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place is before them, they do not count it an injury.”
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view (A formula that works wonders for you): Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that. There is a key to handle his personality and actions: try honestly to put yourself in his place. If you say to yourself, “How would I feel, how would I react if I were in his shoes?” You will save yourself time and irritation, “by becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect.” In addition you will sharply increase your skill in human relationships. One can observe from the lives of Lincoln and Roosevelt that, success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint. Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg commented: “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.”
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires: Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will and make the other person listen attentively? YES? Here it is: “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.” Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you.
Dr. Arthur I. Gates said in his book Educational psychology: “Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults...show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness especially details of surgical operations. ‘Self-pity’ for misfortunes real or imaginary is in some measures, practically a universal practice.”
10. Appeal to the nobler motives
11. Dramatize your ideas: This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting and dramatic. You have to show showmanship. The movies, TV does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.
12. Throw down a challenge (when nothing else works, try this): Charles Schwab says- “the way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I don’t mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.” The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit. “All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory”. What greater challenge can be offered than the opportunity to overcome those fears? The chance for self-expression is what every successful person loves. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel to win.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE-Part 1
These are the fundamental techniques given by the management GURU- Dale Carnegie.
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain: B.F. Skinner, the famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. This indeed, applies to the humans as well. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment. When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Do you know the secret of Benjamin Franklin’s success? “He will speak ill of no man,” he said, “…and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation: There is only one way under heaven to get anybody do anything. That is by ‘making the other person want to do it.’ Someone asked Sigmund Freud- the only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want. This is human nature!! W. James wrote “the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” This is the chief difference between a human and an animal-the desire for feeling of importance. C. Schwab had been paid more than thousand dollars a day by A. Carnegie!? Have you imagined why? Schwab says that he was paid this salary because of this ability to deal with people. He further continues, “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and by appreciation and encouragement.” There is nothing else that kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. Believe in giving incentives to the work done. I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.
When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reason? It was “lack of appreciation.” Some people do more flattery than appreciation. In the long run, this will cause more harm than good. Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.
So always remember, hurting people not only change them, it is never called for. People will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime-repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want: The only way on earth to influence other person is to talk what they want and show them how to get it. First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.” Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?” That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires. If there is anyone secret of success, said H. Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
4. Become genuinely interested in other people: Have you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs; a cow has to give milk. But dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Alfred Adler, a famous Viennese psychologist says: “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.” Now it is evident that for the corporate’s to survive in the competitive market they need to lay a path for serving their clients genuinely. Service industry-ITES train their employees to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm.
5. Smile-a simple way to make a good first impression: Action speaks louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you. ” A baby’s smile has the same effect. It’s worth mentioning about the Chinese proverb-“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.” Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. Someone who is under pressure from his job, business, relatives or finances, a smile can help her/him realize that all is not hopeless-that there is joy in the world.
6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language: Jim Farley says his “success is due to the result of his ‘hard work’ funny! He continues that he can call fifty thousand people by their first names!!” This ability had helped him put Franklin D. Roosevelt in the White House in 1932. He built a system for remembering names- whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out their complete name and some facts like his or her family, business and political opinions. He fixed all this facts in mind as part of the picture, and the next time met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family and other. No wonder he developed a following. The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it-and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage. Napoleon the third, Emperor of France, took trouble to repeat or spell trivial names and associated with the person’s features, expression and general appearance. We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing…and nobody else. The names set individuals apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.
7. Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about them: According to Charles W. Eliot, “There is no mystery about successful business intercourse…Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is as flattering as that. ” Isaac F. Marcosson, a journalist who interviewed hundreds of celebrities, declared that many people fails to make a favorable impression because they don’t listen attentively. “They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open…very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.” A man who met Sigmund Freud described his manner of listening: “It struck me so forcibly that I shall never forget him. He had qualities which I had never seen in any other man. Never had I seen such concentrated attention. There was none of that piercing ‘soul penetrating gaze’ business. His eyes were mild and genial. His voice was low and kind. His gestures were few. But the attention he gave me, his appreciation of what I said, even when I said it badly was extraordinary. You’ve no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.” So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
8. Talk in terms of other person’s interest: When Theodore Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.
9. Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely: There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law; we shall get into endless trouble. The law is simple- always make the other person feel important. John Dewey said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” As mentioned in the history that it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself. So let’s obey the golden rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us. How? When? Where? The answer is: all the time, everywhere. Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you, won’t you please? Would you mind? Thank you”- courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life-and incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding. Let’s remember what Emerson said: Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him. Therefore, let’s rephrase-“talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.”
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain: B.F. Skinner, the famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. This indeed, applies to the humans as well. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment. When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Do you know the secret of Benjamin Franklin’s success? “He will speak ill of no man,” he said, “…and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation: There is only one way under heaven to get anybody do anything. That is by ‘making the other person want to do it.’ Someone asked Sigmund Freud- the only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want. This is human nature!! W. James wrote “the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” This is the chief difference between a human and an animal-the desire for feeling of importance. C. Schwab had been paid more than thousand dollars a day by A. Carnegie!? Have you imagined why? Schwab says that he was paid this salary because of this ability to deal with people. He further continues, “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and by appreciation and encouragement.” There is nothing else that kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. Believe in giving incentives to the work done. I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.
When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reason? It was “lack of appreciation.” Some people do more flattery than appreciation. In the long run, this will cause more harm than good. Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.
So always remember, hurting people not only change them, it is never called for. People will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime-repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want: The only way on earth to influence other person is to talk what they want and show them how to get it. First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.” Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?” That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires. If there is anyone secret of success, said H. Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
4. Become genuinely interested in other people: Have you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs; a cow has to give milk. But dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Alfred Adler, a famous Viennese psychologist says: “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.” Now it is evident that for the corporate’s to survive in the competitive market they need to lay a path for serving their clients genuinely. Service industry-ITES train their employees to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm.
5. Smile-a simple way to make a good first impression: Action speaks louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you. ” A baby’s smile has the same effect. It’s worth mentioning about the Chinese proverb-“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.” Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. Someone who is under pressure from his job, business, relatives or finances, a smile can help her/him realize that all is not hopeless-that there is joy in the world.
6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language: Jim Farley says his “success is due to the result of his ‘hard work’ funny! He continues that he can call fifty thousand people by their first names!!” This ability had helped him put Franklin D. Roosevelt in the White House in 1932. He built a system for remembering names- whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out their complete name and some facts like his or her family, business and political opinions. He fixed all this facts in mind as part of the picture, and the next time met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family and other. No wonder he developed a following. The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it-and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage. Napoleon the third, Emperor of France, took trouble to repeat or spell trivial names and associated with the person’s features, expression and general appearance. We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing…and nobody else. The names set individuals apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.
7. Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about them: According to Charles W. Eliot, “There is no mystery about successful business intercourse…Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is as flattering as that. ” Isaac F. Marcosson, a journalist who interviewed hundreds of celebrities, declared that many people fails to make a favorable impression because they don’t listen attentively. “They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open…very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.” A man who met Sigmund Freud described his manner of listening: “It struck me so forcibly that I shall never forget him. He had qualities which I had never seen in any other man. Never had I seen such concentrated attention. There was none of that piercing ‘soul penetrating gaze’ business. His eyes were mild and genial. His voice was low and kind. His gestures were few. But the attention he gave me, his appreciation of what I said, even when I said it badly was extraordinary. You’ve no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.” So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
8. Talk in terms of other person’s interest: When Theodore Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.
9. Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely: There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law; we shall get into endless trouble. The law is simple- always make the other person feel important. John Dewey said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” As mentioned in the history that it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself. So let’s obey the golden rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us. How? When? Where? The answer is: all the time, everywhere. Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you, won’t you please? Would you mind? Thank you”- courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life-and incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding. Let’s remember what Emerson said: Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him. Therefore, let’s rephrase-“talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.”
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Developing Performance Teams
Dell Company realized that aligning teams towards a common objective and creating the same incentive system across the entire company would help direct everyone’s talent towards creating value for customers and share holders.
This would make one to understand the importance of developing and routing the teams towards the common goal.
As more and more teams are moving towards a team-based approach to work, the “command and control style” of leadership is becoming redundant. As a result, the leaders are playing the role of facilitators and are now expected to teach their team members on taking decision for day-to-day challenges.
What is a team?
A team is a small number of people with complementary skills who are committed to a common purpose, a set of performance goals, and an approach for which they hold themselves mutually accountable.
Difference b/w work groups and teams: -
Any group of people working together doesn’t form a team. Indeed there is a visible difference b/w a work group and team
1. WG- there is single strong leader, and he/she only is clearly focused.
T- Team members share leadership roles based on the needs and circumstances.
2. WG- There is no scope for mutual accountability. Only individual accountability matters.
T- They have individual and mutual accountability.
3. WG- The purpose is always the same as the mission of the organization.
T- The team shapes its purpose taking into consideration the top management’s expectations
4. WG- Delivers performances based solely on individual work-products.
T- Team’s performance is based on individual and collective work-products.
5. WG- Efficiency is the criterion.
T- Team meetings involve open-ended discussions and problem solving.
6. WG- The success is determined by the impact it makes on others.
T- Success is assessed based on the collective work-products.
7. WG- The working group activities involve discussion, decision-making and delegation.
T- Discussion, decision-making and execution are done by the whole team.
Ten very important principles of great teams:-
Warren Bennis conducted a study to identify the principles that made great teams successful. His studied teams include- Manhattan project (this team invented atom bomb), Palo Alto Research Center {(PARC) LAN, printer were invented here}, Apple computers, Lockheed Skunkworks (worked on top-secret air craft) and Walt Disney animation studios. He says that there were some principles common to all these.
1. Shared dream: Great teams sincerely believed they would change the world for the better. They did not treat their work as simply a job but a fervent quest.
2. Mission is bigger than ego
3. Protection from leaders: The team leaders helped the team members and managed to keep them satisfied and remain focused on their work/ goal.
4. Fostering enmity: A team with even the noblest of missions benefited when it had real or invented enemies in the form of competitors.
5. Dare to be different
6. Pain and suffering: sometimes for the benefit of the company mission and aligning to its goal makes one to go for personal sacrifices.
7. Strong leaders: The leaders in great teams are not always the most intelligent or capable in the team but neither are they passive players. They are like curators who appreciate and preserve talent in the team.
8. Meticulous recruiting: ensuring the right skill set employee in the right place.
9. Young and energetic: teams with young are quite energetic and creative.
10. Great teams deliver: Great teams always believe in tangible outcome. Steve Jobs of Apple computers reminded his team that their work was not good unless it resulted in a great product at the end.
Composition of teams:
It is important for teams to have problem-solving skills to identify problems and opportunities, evaluate the different options and decide which is better. This depends on interpersonal skills such as risk taking, active listening, helpful criticism and appreciation of the interests and achievements of others.
There should be an agreement on:
Who will do what?
What are the schedules and how they are to be met?
What are the skills that need to be developed?
How will the teams take decisions?
On what basis will the team change the existing way of accomplishing its purpose?
The shaping of a common approach needs:
Details of the task to be accomplished; and
A fit between individual skills the team task.
This would make one to understand the importance of developing and routing the teams towards the common goal.
As more and more teams are moving towards a team-based approach to work, the “command and control style” of leadership is becoming redundant. As a result, the leaders are playing the role of facilitators and are now expected to teach their team members on taking decision for day-to-day challenges.
What is a team?
A team is a small number of people with complementary skills who are committed to a common purpose, a set of performance goals, and an approach for which they hold themselves mutually accountable.
Difference b/w work groups and teams: -
Any group of people working together doesn’t form a team. Indeed there is a visible difference b/w a work group and team
1. WG- there is single strong leader, and he/she only is clearly focused.
T- Team members share leadership roles based on the needs and circumstances.
2. WG- There is no scope for mutual accountability. Only individual accountability matters.
T- They have individual and mutual accountability.
3. WG- The purpose is always the same as the mission of the organization.
T- The team shapes its purpose taking into consideration the top management’s expectations
4. WG- Delivers performances based solely on individual work-products.
T- Team’s performance is based on individual and collective work-products.
5. WG- Efficiency is the criterion.
T- Team meetings involve open-ended discussions and problem solving.
6. WG- The success is determined by the impact it makes on others.
T- Success is assessed based on the collective work-products.
7. WG- The working group activities involve discussion, decision-making and delegation.
T- Discussion, decision-making and execution are done by the whole team.
Ten very important principles of great teams:-
Warren Bennis conducted a study to identify the principles that made great teams successful. His studied teams include- Manhattan project (this team invented atom bomb), Palo Alto Research Center {(PARC) LAN, printer were invented here}, Apple computers, Lockheed Skunkworks (worked on top-secret air craft) and Walt Disney animation studios. He says that there were some principles common to all these.
1. Shared dream: Great teams sincerely believed they would change the world for the better. They did not treat their work as simply a job but a fervent quest.
2. Mission is bigger than ego
3. Protection from leaders: The team leaders helped the team members and managed to keep them satisfied and remain focused on their work/ goal.
4. Fostering enmity: A team with even the noblest of missions benefited when it had real or invented enemies in the form of competitors.
5. Dare to be different
6. Pain and suffering: sometimes for the benefit of the company mission and aligning to its goal makes one to go for personal sacrifices.
7. Strong leaders: The leaders in great teams are not always the most intelligent or capable in the team but neither are they passive players. They are like curators who appreciate and preserve talent in the team.
8. Meticulous recruiting: ensuring the right skill set employee in the right place.
9. Young and energetic: teams with young are quite energetic and creative.
10. Great teams deliver: Great teams always believe in tangible outcome. Steve Jobs of Apple computers reminded his team that their work was not good unless it resulted in a great product at the end.
Composition of teams:
It is important for teams to have problem-solving skills to identify problems and opportunities, evaluate the different options and decide which is better. This depends on interpersonal skills such as risk taking, active listening, helpful criticism and appreciation of the interests and achievements of others.
There should be an agreement on:
Who will do what?
What are the schedules and how they are to be met?
What are the skills that need to be developed?
How will the teams take decisions?
On what basis will the team change the existing way of accomplishing its purpose?
The shaping of a common approach needs:
Details of the task to be accomplished; and
A fit between individual skills the team task.
Coaching leaders
Coaching is a partnership between a leader and the individual who reports directly to him or her, in which the coach focuses on helping the direct report optimize his or her potential.
Characteristics and skills of a coach:-
Helps people in planning for their personal and professional development.
Works closely with employees, observes their behavior in different situations, and at various organizational levels.
Is supportive and non-judgmental.
Has expertise in the area in which people have to be coached.
Has a thorough understanding of the culture in the organization and knows how employees’ behavior is evaluated in that culture.
Sets the right goals, is honest and realistic.
Takes personal interest in those he/she coaches. Invests time in building relationships aimed at employee development.
Shows empathy in regard to personal and professional matters of employees.
Has a clear idea of the macro picture of the whole organization.
Is comfortable and secure. Allows people to grow under him/her.
Provides both formal and informal feedback.
Coaching is of 2 types: - Performance management and performance enhancement coaching.
Performance management coaching comes into picture when the leader finds that there is a gap between his subordinate’s actual and expected performance. In such a situation, the leader takes the initiative and tries to bring in the necessary corrections in his subordinate’s behavior through coaching.
Performance enhancement coaching takes place when a subordinate is performing up to the expectations and wants to acquire new skills to perform at higher levels.
The process of coaching involves the following steps: - making observations, conducting an analysis, giving feedback, engaging in inquiry, setting goals, planning action steps and recognizing improvements.
Why do some leaders shirk from coaching?
They think it is low priority work
They fear confrontation during feedback sessions
They lack adequate time and patience
They have a concern that they’ll appear weak in having hired or promoted the employee
Some feel the person undergoing coaching will feel insulted. They do not want to insult that person.
They expect people to figure out what they want to learn.
They do not know how to coach
They are ignorant of the benefits of coaching
They feel people do not need coaching at that level
They find it easier to ignore, circumvent and terminate the problem employee
Some feel that coaching is no longer a part of their duty. Rather it is the duty of the HR department.
David Ogilvy’s, the founder of Ogilvy & Mather, leadership is characterized by his coaching style. He was known for having deep conversations with his employees. These conversations went beyond the short-term concerns of his employees. During these conversations he used to explore and try to understand the employee’s life, dreams, goals and career hopes.
When looked at the style of Jack Welch (CEO of GE from 1981-2001), he sometimes sends hand written memos to the target employees or trainees and would ask them to be prepared to describe a leadership dilemma they have faced in the past 12 months.
Characteristics and skills of a coach:-
Helps people in planning for their personal and professional development.
Works closely with employees, observes their behavior in different situations, and at various organizational levels.
Is supportive and non-judgmental.
Has expertise in the area in which people have to be coached.
Has a thorough understanding of the culture in the organization and knows how employees’ behavior is evaluated in that culture.
Sets the right goals, is honest and realistic.
Takes personal interest in those he/she coaches. Invests time in building relationships aimed at employee development.
Shows empathy in regard to personal and professional matters of employees.
Has a clear idea of the macro picture of the whole organization.
Is comfortable and secure. Allows people to grow under him/her.
Provides both formal and informal feedback.
Coaching is of 2 types: - Performance management and performance enhancement coaching.
Performance management coaching comes into picture when the leader finds that there is a gap between his subordinate’s actual and expected performance. In such a situation, the leader takes the initiative and tries to bring in the necessary corrections in his subordinate’s behavior through coaching.
Performance enhancement coaching takes place when a subordinate is performing up to the expectations and wants to acquire new skills to perform at higher levels.
The process of coaching involves the following steps: - making observations, conducting an analysis, giving feedback, engaging in inquiry, setting goals, planning action steps and recognizing improvements.
Why do some leaders shirk from coaching?
They think it is low priority work
They fear confrontation during feedback sessions
They lack adequate time and patience
They have a concern that they’ll appear weak in having hired or promoted the employee
Some feel the person undergoing coaching will feel insulted. They do not want to insult that person.
They expect people to figure out what they want to learn.
They do not know how to coach
They are ignorant of the benefits of coaching
They feel people do not need coaching at that level
They find it easier to ignore, circumvent and terminate the problem employee
Some feel that coaching is no longer a part of their duty. Rather it is the duty of the HR department.
David Ogilvy’s, the founder of Ogilvy & Mather, leadership is characterized by his coaching style. He was known for having deep conversations with his employees. These conversations went beyond the short-term concerns of his employees. During these conversations he used to explore and try to understand the employee’s life, dreams, goals and career hopes.
When looked at the style of Jack Welch (CEO of GE from 1981-2001), he sometimes sends hand written memos to the target employees or trainees and would ask them to be prepared to describe a leadership dilemma they have faced in the past 12 months.
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