These are the fundamental techniques given by the management GURU- Dale Carnegie.
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain: B.F. Skinner, the famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. This indeed, applies to the humans as well. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment. When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Do you know the secret of Benjamin Franklin’s success? “He will speak ill of no man,” he said, “…and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation: There is only one way under heaven to get anybody do anything. That is by ‘making the other person want to do it.’ Someone asked Sigmund Freud- the only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want. This is human nature!! W. James wrote “the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” This is the chief difference between a human and an animal-the desire for feeling of importance. C. Schwab had been paid more than thousand dollars a day by A. Carnegie!? Have you imagined why? Schwab says that he was paid this salary because of this ability to deal with people. He further continues, “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and by appreciation and encouragement.” There is nothing else that kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. Believe in giving incentives to the work done. I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.
When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reason? It was “lack of appreciation.” Some people do more flattery than appreciation. In the long run, this will cause more harm than good. Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.
So always remember, hurting people not only change them, it is never called for. People will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime-repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want: The only way on earth to influence other person is to talk what they want and show them how to get it. First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.” Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?” That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires. If there is anyone secret of success, said H. Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
4. Become genuinely interested in other people: Have you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs; a cow has to give milk. But dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Alfred Adler, a famous Viennese psychologist says: “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.” Now it is evident that for the corporate’s to survive in the competitive market they need to lay a path for serving their clients genuinely. Service industry-ITES train their employees to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm.
5. Smile-a simple way to make a good first impression: Action speaks louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you. ” A baby’s smile has the same effect. It’s worth mentioning about the Chinese proverb-“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.” Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. Someone who is under pressure from his job, business, relatives or finances, a smile can help her/him realize that all is not hopeless-that there is joy in the world.
6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language: Jim Farley says his “success is due to the result of his ‘hard work’ funny! He continues that he can call fifty thousand people by their first names!!” This ability had helped him put Franklin D. Roosevelt in the White House in 1932. He built a system for remembering names- whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out their complete name and some facts like his or her family, business and political opinions. He fixed all this facts in mind as part of the picture, and the next time met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family and other. No wonder he developed a following. The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it-and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage. Napoleon the third, Emperor of France, took trouble to repeat or spell trivial names and associated with the person’s features, expression and general appearance. We should be aware of the magic contained in a name and realize that this single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing…and nobody else. The names set individuals apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.
7. Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about them: According to Charles W. Eliot, “There is no mystery about successful business intercourse…Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is as flattering as that. ” Isaac F. Marcosson, a journalist who interviewed hundreds of celebrities, declared that many people fails to make a favorable impression because they don’t listen attentively. “They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open…very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.” A man who met Sigmund Freud described his manner of listening: “It struck me so forcibly that I shall never forget him. He had qualities which I had never seen in any other man. Never had I seen such concentrated attention. There was none of that piercing ‘soul penetrating gaze’ business. His eyes were mild and genial. His voice was low and kind. His gestures were few. But the attention he gave me, his appreciation of what I said, even when I said it badly was extraordinary. You’ve no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.” So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
8. Talk in terms of other person’s interest: When Theodore Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.
9. Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely: There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law; we shall get into endless trouble. The law is simple- always make the other person feel important. John Dewey said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” As mentioned in the history that it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself. So let’s obey the golden rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us. How? When? Where? The answer is: all the time, everywhere. Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you, won’t you please? Would you mind? Thank you”- courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life-and incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding. Let’s remember what Emerson said: Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him. Therefore, let’s rephrase-“talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.”
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